Have you ever said, “Part of me wants to... but another part of me…”?
That’s not just a throwaway line, it’s a glimpse into how your mind actually works.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model based on one simple but powerful truth:
You are not a single self. You are a system made up of many parts and all of them belong.

What is IFS?

IFS sees your mind as a system of “parts,” inner voices, emotions, roles, and strategies that each have a job.

You might have:

  • A perfectionist part that keeps you achieving

  • A self-critical part that tries to prevent failure

  • An avoidant part that numbs out or shuts down

  • A panicked part that takes over in social situations

  • A younger part that still feels small, scared, or unloved

These aren’t flaws or diagnoses. They’re adaptations. Each part developed to help you survive, especially in environments that were chaotic, neglectful, unsafe, or overwhelming.

The goal of IFS isn’t to “fix” or fight these parts. It’s to understand, befriend, and heal them so they no longer have to carry those burdens alone.

The Process of Healing in IFS

IFS isn’t just about insight. It’s a step-by-step process of deep internal healing that unfolds at your own pace.

1. Befriending

We start by getting to know your parts. Even the ones you dislike or feel ashamed of.
Instead of pushing them away, we get curious. What is this part afraid of? What is it trying to protect? Often, just being listened to, maybe for the first time ever, softens a part’s defences.

2. Gaining Permission

Protectors (like the inner critic or controller) are often trying to stop you from feeling old pain. Before we go to those younger, more vulnerable parts (called exiles), we ask the protectors for permission. This ensures safety and builds trust within your system.

3. Retrieving

Once permission is granted, we go back to the exile, the younger part who first took on the emotional wound. We witness their pain with compassion and help them see they are no longer alone. This might be a moment of shame, terror, abandonment, or unmet need from long ago. The “Self",” your calm, compassionate core, becomes the loving presence that part never had.

4. Unburdening

This is where the magic happens. The wounded part releases the beliefs, emotions, or burdens it’s been carrying, like “I’m not lovable” or “It’s not safe to trust anyone.” This isn’t just symbolic. Your nervous system feels the shift. Clients often describe a sense of relief, lightness, or clarity that emerges here because the part no longer has to protect you in that old way.

5. Integration

Finally, the part is invited back into your system in a new role, one that is supportive, grounded, and free from fear. The protector parts often relax at this stage too, knowing you (the Self) are now safely in charge.

What is the Self?

The Self is the centre of who you are. It’s not a part, it’s the calm, clear, compassionate awareness beneath all the noise.

The Self is the part of you that:

  • Is naturally curious and non-judgemental

  • Can hold pain without being overwhelmed by it

  • Knows how to lead with wisdom and kindness

In IFS, the goal isn’t to eliminate your parts, it’s to help them trust you to lead.

Why I Use IFS

Because I don’t believe you’re broken. I believe every part of you has been trying to protect you the best way it knew how.

IFS gives us a map to understand your internal world and a process to actually heal it, not just manage it. Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, burnout, neurodivergence, or just feeling like you’re constantly at war with yourself, IFS offers a way back to internal harmony.

This work is slow, respectful, and profoundly transformational. It’s not about controlling your parts, it’s about listening to them, honouring their stories, and gently helping them lay down what they no longer need to carry.

All your parts are welcome here. Even the ones that are angry. Even the ones that sabotage things. Even the ones that say, “This is stupid and I don’t want to be here.” They all have a reason for showing up. They all need validation and deserve to be heard. Let’s meet them together.